Hello! I am the new Butts n’ Cutts intern, Ned Spielty! (Brief shoutout to my homeboy and previous intern Jeff! #RIPJEFF #onelove) TheBnC Team thought it would be good for me to have my introductory post be about something that really mattered to me, and spoke to my generation!
Using our hands to help shape our ideal butt.
I am honored to bring you my first post from Zuccotti Park, so fucking thrilled!!!! I am so stoked to be voicing my opinion on the bullshit of wealth distribution in our fair and great land! #joetheplumber
The major corporations have far too long held all the power in this country, specifically in terms of their majority shares in Butts commodity. The 99% has been unable to afford sweet and luscious butts. I should be able to pay a fair and reasonable price for my butts! But NO! The 1% has made cheap hot butts all but extinct! (pun INTENDED!) These wall street fucking asshole pig fascists hogging all that good sweet college ass, with their craigslist ads on free living in NYC (and probably other places) 4 hot buns/slavery, sitting in their towers of butt greed! Where are the butts for the 99%??!! Un-effin-real. #bailoutbutts
We need change! We are the 99%!
“The people! United (for butts)!
Will never be defeated (on things related to butts)!!” -THE 99%
Defying analyst expectations, Butts (NYSE:B) has been steadily outperforming the market, despite the recent downturn. Social media sites, including Facebook have been buzzing about the relative strength of butts during this recent downturn. With gold prices hitting all time highs our research department thinks Butts will do the same. As you know Butts have and, likely, always will be recession proof. So, with the current market volatility it might not be a bad idea to re-adjust your portfolio allocations and increase your Butt holdings.
As you can see above, Butts has seen a lot of support, with 20 more people claiming to like “Butt Guys” in a little more than a week. For those in the ‘chix w/dix’ and ‘legs’ markets, things aren’t looking bad either, with derivatives increasing in volume by 100% and 200%, respectively.
Disclosure: We currently have long positions in Butts (NYSE:B) and Legs (NASDAQ: LGS). However, we currently hold short positions in Chix w/Dix (NASDAQ: DIX) by way of put options.
According to many of the nations economic news sources, companies are starting to hire again. Sadly, numbers aren’t looking so good for ButtsNCuts. Since late February the stock price has been sliding steadily leaving investors questioning whether ButtsNCuts is still a going-concern, or on the verge of another bankruptcy. In an effort to increase our market share I, the CEO, have accepted a job at Great Clips, (but only part time).
Great people, great atmosphere, great clips!
Since I’m just starting out I’m gonna be stuck answering phones for a few months, but Nancy, my mentor, said I can start cutting hair after that. She is a stickler about technique, but I’m looking forward to the challenge.
That’s Nancy there! She has been great! And that’s Jim…he is not so great. He is the store manager. He has an alcohol problem. Anyways, it’s really exciting to be back on the grind, working my way up the corporate ladder.
I am looking forward to sharing this experience with you all. I will be using the company website as a sort of “personal blog” to let you the shareholders get an “inside look” into the things we are doing here to make the company grow.
If you haven’t heard of Agyness Deyn then you have probably been living under a rock. Fashion model, sex icon, actress, singer, philanthropist, party girl, you name it, she’s done it. She is known for “keeping things fresh” when it comes to hair and boys! Reports have her linked to Albert Hammond Jr Jr of the indie, prog-rock band The Strokes, and more recently, actor, James Franco. Anyways, we here at ButtsNCuts are trying to determine which of her hairstyles looks the hottest. We want to know what the readers have to say!
Now it’s time for you to cast you vote:
****Also, the person that votes the most gets a $7.89 Pepito’s Gift Card.
Last night me and some of my colleagues decided to go to a show to unwind after a hard day at the office. It was a DJ show featuring some DJs from Italy called The Bloody Beetroots. They were great. What made it even better was the fact that we were given VIP backstage passes because of our corporate connections, so we got to hangout with lots of cool hipsters backstage and got tons of free alcohol. Needless to say we all got a little too drunk. Anyways, one of the DJs had a super cute butt:
Now that is a great butt! Oh and hey, that’s Jim, from HR, there on the right.
Nancy from Accounting couldn’t stop talking about it. She ended up vomiting in the cab on the ride home though. : ( But like they always say, “what happens at work parties, stays at work parties.”