Jeff is Dead, #pray_for_jeff

As you all know, our dear friend and colleague Jeff was lost in the Californian desert.  There haven’t been any new leads, and police have ended the search.  Throughout this trying time there has been an outpouring of support through email, phone calls and letters.  Many users have sent in photos of themselves showing off their butts (Jeff was a butt guy) to try to lift morale in the community that has been devastated for the past few days.  We thought it would only be right to share these photos with the rest of the world.  We will be selling a book of fan submitted butts to raise money for Jeff’s family.  If you share this on Twitter or Facebook, please use the hash tag #pray_for_jeff so we can spread awareness and help raise money for his family.  Thank you so much.  Here are some of the fan submitted photos:

Jared, 35, from Oklahoma

Sarah, 21, from Montana

Jaime, 23, from New York

Toni,19, from California

Toni’s baby, Charlie, 2, also from California

Nancy, 27, from Colorado

Tammy, 48, and her girls, from North Dakota

Friend of the company, Amber Rose, from Heaven

It has been tough guys, thanks for keeping our spirits up.

RIP Jeff (1965-2011)

Father,

Husband,

Tech-Guru.

We’re gonna miss you Jeff.

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Thanks for the Support

It has been a very long day.  Still no word on the whereabouts of Jeff, our tech guru, and more importantly, our dear friend.  Our thoughts and prayers go out to Jeff and his family.

Although it has been a tough time for all involved, we are very thankful for the outpouring of support seen in the last day.  The letters, phone calls, and emails have helped us all here at ButtsNCuts get through the day.  This support is a testament to the kind of person Jeff is and the way he treated people.  He always said, “Treat people the way you want to be treated”, and damn it that’s the way he has lived everyday of his life.  We still have not given up hope, so please, if you know anything about the whereabouts of our friend email us at buttsncuts@gmail.com.  Again the photo below is the last known photo taken of Jeff at an after-party somewhere at or near the Coachella music festival.

God be with you Jeff.

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ButtsNCuts Takes on Coachella

Greetings!  It’s been awhile.  Nice to be back interacting with you, the shareholders, again.  We have a lot of exciting things planned for the future, including expansion to the Big Apple.  Yeah, we’re excited too.  Anyways this past weekend the entire ButtsNCuts staff went out to Coachella Music Festival to research some of the latest and greatest in butt and haircut fashions and technology.  We had the opportunity to see a lot of butts, a lot of cuts, and talk with a lot of tastemakers in the industry.   Who said work can’t be fun? (See our new “Careers” tab if you think you’re a good fit for our corporate culture.)  Let me introduce you to the team:

Left to right: Jeff, Tammy, Leslie, Ben, Nancy.

Jeff is our “tech guy” or “computer guru”.  He is PC Pro Certified and has an associates degree from the North Dakota School of Science.  Watch out Zuckerburg!

Tammy is the head of R&D.  Let’s just say that this company wouldn’t have been able to rebound from last year’s bankruptcy without her great ideas and stellar work ethic.

Leslie used to be in charge of New Accounts, but recently she had to be let go.  She broke the company sexual harassment policy…more than once.

Ben is our CFO.  He has an advanced degree in mathematics from Harvard as well as an MBA in finance from the Wharton School of Business.

Nancy doesn’t work here at ButtsNCuts.  She is actually the lady that sells sandwiches at lunch.  Not sure why she is in this photo.

Last but not least we have Kacey and Ashley, and don’t get any ideas fellas they are only 16!  They are the actual interns and have carved out their niche here at ButtsNcuts with their uncanny ability to spot future trends within the butt and cut industries.

Oh almost forgot, our janitor Dave is coming too.

Anyways, let’s get into it already!!!

We were just informed Jeff partied a little too hard in Indio, CA and is actually still out in the desert.  As of press time we have not been able to locate him or the company camera.  The most recent picture we have is a photo taken of Jeff on his new iPhone 2G.  He sent it to us with the caption “Here We Go”.  If anyone in Indio, CA knows the whereabouts of Jeff, pictured below, please contact us immediately.

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A Living Legend

Normally, we here at ButtsNCuts just post a lot of raunchy butt pics to get hits from the hornball, teen demographic because they can browse our archives looking at lots of butts without getting in trouble when their parents look at their browser history, (since this isn’t a porn site…yet).

In honor of a new year we would like to “shake things up” a bit, so, we present: “A Celebration Hair: An Ode to JT”.  Really just want you the readers to gain an appreciation for Justin Timberlake’s forward thinking approach to hair over the years.  Here we go!

SUP!

Lookin’ good JT.  Lookin’ real good.  You R Who U R.

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Market Research: What do ButtsNCuts readers want?

In effort to “connect” with you the reader we are asking for your opinion on what ButtsNCuts should write about.

Please take a look at the list of topics and use the comments section to share your thoughts:

a. More butts
b. Amber Rose
c. Hipster Porn
d. This web company sucks, stop blogging.
e. Nicki Minaj
f. Bowl Cuts
g. Football
h. Amber Rose’s butt
i. Amber Rose’s sex life
j. Amber Rose’s haircut
k. The beeb.
l. Finance/business
m. Kim “Donk” Kardashian
n. More Shareholder Statements
o. Hair care tips
p. male butts
q. Hot dudes
r. Choose your own adventure

Again, please use the comments section to share your thoughts.  Your opinion matters.  This could be your year.

-ButtsNCuts Marketing Department

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A New Day

As you may have noticed the ButtsNCuts web presence has been practically non-existent lately.  Over the past few months we have been dealing with a strike.  In an effort to minimize costs we had to make some drastic changes.  Instead of giving the intern scum what they wanted (ad money) we decided to fire them all and, in turn, have not been able to produce as much content as you are used to.  This lack of content was followed by a quick and steady decline in hits, which caused us to lose all of our advertising revenue.  In conclusion we had to file for bankruptcy and reorganize our corporate structure to recover from the bankruptcy.

All that being said, today is a new day, and this year is a new year.  Stand by us as we march to the top of the industry.

As Jim Caldwell, replacement coach for the great Tony Dungy, said, quoting Invictus:

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

With God as my witness, we will come back stronger than ever…we will come back.

*Note: We here at ButtsNCuts literally have no idea what that poem means.  We’re butts guys.  We R Who R.

**Bonus Butt Pic**

Our new golden girl: Nicki Minaj

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Bad Hair Days: A New Weekly Installment

Some of you may remember the Pepitos waitress Tanya from a previous ButtsNCuts article [link].  She seems to be a mild mannered, yet still rebellious twenty-something who has a love for tattoos and tacos.  Anyways, we decided to send our intern Jeff to get lunch last week and it just so happened that he ran into the internet startlet in line at the local McDonald’s.  Let’s just say it wasn’t pretty.

Sources close to Jackson said things were going fine with the new haircut until last Monday.  In an effort to get to Pepitos on time, Tanya used the blow dryer to speed up the drying process.  The blow dryer wanted nothing to do with it.  Indivduals in the blow dryer camp say Tanya was being abusive, yelling at Blow Dryer to “hurry the eff up”.  Blow Dryer couldn’t take it anymore and just snapped!  The end result, well, Tanya hasn’t been able to get her hair out of it’s current bushy state for a week.  Adding insult to injury, Tanya was fired from her job at Pepitos.  The fight with Blow Dryer  caused her to be 2 hours late, and when she showed up, looking like a deranged killer, Tom the manager fired her on the spot.

We will miss you Tanya Jackson.  We will remember you.  The old you.  The better you.

ALMOST FORGOTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Since our CEO suffered a butt related injury during shark week, we have been on hiatus, now that we’re are back and the CEO has recovered somewhat we have an extra special bonus Amber Rose pic!!!!

****NSFW****

Amber Rose Butt Pic

And a Kim Kardashian Budunkadunk Pic!

And a Kim Kardashian Pre-RAY J Sex Tape Pic!

Sexy Can I?

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